


Looking for home(have we already found it)

by She_speakss



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Please Kill Me, Robin Hood Being an Asshole, Slightly - Freeform, Swearing, i don't even know what im doing, magic!baby, this is my first thingy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-27 15:44:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6290440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/She_speakss/pseuds/She_speakss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma and Regina have been together for two years, Emma has just found out she is eight weeks pregnant with her and Regina's baby. Before she can share this exciting news, Regina has her own nine week surprise. One that's....less exciting than Emma's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Downfall.

Emma smiled as she pulled up to the Mayoral Mansion and put the car in gear, she sat in the yellow 'death trap' for a moment. The blonde women took a moment to just be still and think about how she found her 'forever family'. She felt her heart almost burst when she thought about the love she and Regina shared, with each other and their son.

Their son.

She was also taking a moment to reflect because she had just found out she was pregnant. She and Regina had never even broached the possibility of two women conceiving let alone them having a baby together. But here she was, 8 weeks pregnant with Regina Mills baby. Her smile grew and her face was aching and she was pretty sure if anyone was to walk past an see her they'd ring ward 8. Her hand dropped to her tummy and she breathed out. Her smile dimmed for a moment when her thoughts focused on how Regina had been around her lately. Emma swore it was like they were back to the beginning.

"Come on Swan, you can do this. Just walk in and tell her." She was running her hands through her hair as she spoke out loud to herself. "But what if she doesn't want it? I mean i know we've never talked about kids or anything but, she won't make me abort it, right?" Realizing she wasn't about to get answers to any of her questions talking to herself she steeled herself, exiting the car and running to the door.

Letting herself in she followed the smell of Regina's lasagna that invaded her senses as soon as the door unlocked. "Hey beautiful." The younger women had decided to take a chance and walked straight to her and wrapped her arms around her waist from behind, if her tummy hadn't chosen to rumble at that moment she would have felt Regina stiffen.

"Good evening Emma." Even though the brunette had tensed in the taller woman's arms she leaned back into her touch, silently cursing her body for betraying her.

"Mmm, Lasagna. How was your day? I've got something to tell you later."

"My day was fine thank you. You already know how this morning went and nothing much happened since we had lunch. And I have something to say to." She had tried to keep the snap out of her voice, but apparently was failing.

"Um, okay." Emma's smile slowly slid off her face as she let go of Regina and walked around the island so it was between them. "Are you okay Regina?" As Regina stayed silent Emma's nerves did the opposite and she couldn't help herself when she started to pick at her nails.

"I'm fine," The Miss Swan was swallowed but not missed by either present. "I'm tired is all." Regina kept her eyes on the chopping board in front of her.

"Sure. Where's the kid?" Emma cringed when her pinkie finger started to bleed and cursed her old habits.

"He's at Nicks. It is the weekend dear," Emma's brow furrowed in confusion at Regina. "I would have thought you knew the days of the week after thirty years walking this planet. You did attend school, did you not? Or did you throw away your education as well?" Regina didn't plan on saying that, or insulting Emma's intelligence but she did.

"Whoa!" Emma threw her hands in the air. 'Where is this coming from?' She thought to herself.

"What the hell Regina?! I forgot he was going, I have a lot on my mind right now, is that okay with you, Your Majesty?! And why do I feel like you're implying that I threw away my son?" Emma ran a hand through her curls and took a deep breath, she had purposely ignored that barb at her education. This is not what she had in mind when she sat in the station's bathroom waiting for a test that would change her life.

She watched as Regina stilled her hands and turned calmly to face the blonde. "Why Miss Swan, it's perfectly fine for you to forget your son exists. When a simple minded person allows herself to be swamped by everyday life no one can blame them really." Regina felt her heart break at the lost look on Emma's face. This really isn't the way she wanted it to go when she talked to Robin about this all those weeks ago. Ever since that day he had visited her at her office she couldn't stop herself from thinking about what he said.

\-----

"I love you Regina. Only you. The minute we got to New York i knew what a mistake I had made." They were sitting in her office. Regina almost threw a fireball at him on sight but there was something in the way he said her name that stopped her.

"Eighteen months Robin. If you realized as soon as you say, why wait?" Regina hated herself for asking but she told herself she needed to.

"I had a wife and a child Regina, both of whom knew nothing of how this world works. I was lucky, I had you when I was here. Marion had no one."

"Where are they now? Did your wife tag along for the road trip?"

" We're getting divorced. I came back for you Regina. I love you."

"I will never be someone's second choice Robin, that's three times you've chosen Marion over me. And what If I'm with someone?"

Robin scoffed and leaned forward. "The Savior? Come now Regina, you know that she doesn't mean that much to you as I do. I'm your soulmate."

She almost protested how happy she was with Emma. But she didn't. She couldn't not when her happy ending was counting on him. The two had met up everyday after lunch for the past nine weeks. She loved Emma, of course. Regina just really, really needed to see if he was it for her.-

\------

The Mayor shook her head to clear it and locked her eyes on her blonde lover in front of her. "Look, this is not how I wanted this discussion to go. Dinner's almost ready, we'll eat and then talk. Would you like a glass of wine while we wait?" Her eyes were glued to the top of Emma's head and she ducked trying to catch her eyes, the Sheriff's head was hung so low Regina would've thought her chin and chest were one. She was breaking both their hearts tonight.

'I'd like something a lot stronger' Emma scoffed to herself. She shook her head as she turned to leave the kitchen and mumbled something that sounded like an apology. "No, some heavy stuff happened at the station today." Not totally a lie "I think I'm just gonna go lay down a bit."

Regina watched her stand and berated herself for not noticing the dark circles and teeth indentations on the blondes lips. "Wait," She had raced around the island and reached for Emma's shoulder. Her girlfriend stopped but didn't face her. "Is everything okay over there? Is that why you were late, what happened?" 

"Nothing, don't worry about it. I have a feeling that after tonight it won't be any of your business anyways." She shucked the tanned hand off her person and made her way up to the guestroom. Something told her that she wouldn't want to go anywhere near 'their' room.

In the kitchen Regina sat at the counter and drained the rest of the wine, she would need liquid courage for this, she told herself. 'It's best for everyone if it just ends now anyway. We were fooling ourselves thinking we could be a family. Thinking we were each others happy ending.' 

She gritted her teeth and her heart clenched when she thought about how happy Emma made her. 'Fuck!' She opened another bottle to air before pulling the lasagna out to cool.

Sighing she made her way up to their room to collect Emma for dinner. She knocked politely and pushed it open a little. "Emma dinner is-" She looked at the perfectly made bed and frowned. Stepping into the room fully she glanced around it, looking for any sign of blonde hair that smells like cinnamon, or a red jacket that feels like home. Frown deepening she makes her way to the master bathroom throwing the door open and almost growling when it appeared empty.

Regina knew full well that she didn't really have a right to feel this anger towards her Savior after the way she treated her, she just didn't care as she stormed into the hallway and wondered where she would be. She checked Henry's room as well as the two guestrooms across from hers, not bothering to check the other's knowing they weren't furnished. When those came up empty she started to get panicky.

'She wouldn't have left without telling me would she?' Just when she was preparing herself to use a locator spell to find her, her necklace broke, the one Emma gave her for their second-not-anniversary, and fell from her neck. The chain breaking and the locket slipped free, rolling down to a door at the end of the hallway.

Regina gasped as she reached the door and threw it open. Her breath left her lungs in a gush of relief as she saw the blonde hair and the red jacket. Emma was curled into a ball with her knees to her chest and her cheek resting on them as she sat on the window sill. When she didn't move or even notice Regina in the room the brunette stepped closer to her.

"Emma, oh Emma. You're still-" She stopped as she saw an almost imperceptible shake of shoulders and an unmistakable sob trying to be stifled. "Emma?" The blonde gasped as she spun around to face her and almost fell off the window sill. Olive colored hands steadied her before she landed face first. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"Don't," Emma said with her mouth, even as her arms wrapped around the shorter woman's waist and squeezed. "I don't want you to catch me if you can't. I don't need you to catch me."

"Emma. I'm always going to be there to catch you. Even when I'm not here, here" Her heart burned as she hugged her head to her stomach. "I am so, so sorry Emma."

"It's Robin, isn't it." A statement. Because of course it's Robin. It's always fucking Robin. "How the fuck did he even get back here? How long?" She ripped her arms from Regina and threw herself away from the window before spinning on her heel to glare at the brunette.

"Nine weeks." She couldn't look Emma in the eye and stared at her funnily when Emma's empty laugh became sobbing.

"Why? Just tell me why?" Her voice croaked and she hated herself for it.

"I never meant to hurt you Emma you must understand this. I-"

"I must understand this? How can you even say that to me? So what, this is you choosing him?'

"Please, when he first came to see me i told him where to shove it. But what if this is it? Emma, what if this is my one chance? To finally get my happy ending. I need to try please. And besides, if it doesn't work out between me and Robi-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence! How dare you assume that I will be here waiting for you!" Her voice dropped and her body tensed. Emma was pissed. She paced the empty room and almost laughed at how ironic it was. 'At least this room matches my heart' she thought to herself. "You fucking cheated on me Regina. Why couldn't you just end things if you were so unhappy? You could've talked to me."

Regina knew as soon as Emma's voice was almost an angry whisper that she was beyond hurt and angry. It meant she had given up. She'd done it. She's broke the one thing who loved her most in this world.

"This isn't how today was supposed to go! I was supposed to come home from the station and kiss you and hug you and tell you how much I love you! I was going to tell-" The blondes eyes widen and her hand clamps against her mouth. 'I'll tell her, just not right now'

Regina frowned at Emma and bit her lip. "Tell me what? Emma." Her index fingernail is scratching lightly against her thigh.

"Forget it. It's not important right now Mayor Mills. You've made your choice . I'll send David or someone to collect my things in the morning. I still have to tell you at some point and I will. Just, I can't right now. I need time."

She grimaced at the formal use of her name. "No, Emma wait. I still lov-"

"Stop," She held a hand up. "Don't do this Mayor Mills. It was stupid of me to think we would be more than this. I mean, you told me i wasn't your happy ending right? I should have listened i guess." She turned away to leave the room and as she passed by Regina she stopped.

"I love you Mayor Mills. I have for a very long time and I know I always will." She looked at Regina, really looked at her as if burning every feature and line into her memory. "I'm sorry that i wasn't enough for you Regina." She quickly kissed the brunettes forehead and ran from the room, heaving sobs and a hand holding her tummy.

She ran.


	2. Goodbyes and Heartache

Emma drove and she drove fast. With all the windows down and bile rising, mocking almost. Her jaw clenched as she stopped her beloved bug outside Nick's house to see Henry. Mother and son stood awkwardly by the bug as Emma told Henry about the 'break-up' and her need to get away.

"Is it because of Robin? I've seen him around the last few weeks, did they-? Did mom che-"

"Yes. It's because of Robin, I must be the only that hasn't and yes Henry." Her cheeks flush as she scratches at her neck. "The other thing I needed to tell you is that I'm leaving," She held up her hands at him. "Just for a few weeks or so, just to-"

"Ma please, please let me come with you. You shouldn't be alone." He's fourteen now and to mature for his age.

"Kid you know I can't let you do that, besides you gotta look out for your mom. I'll be fine." She's leaning against the bug silently hating the beautiful colours of the setting sun and cursing that day those golds and reds streamed through the window bathing Regina in the sky's fire. From then on, her favorite colour will always be Regina wearing nothing but the descending sun. 

"Just-I don't." He stops and takes a breath as he runs his fingers through his hair. "She has Robin to take care of her. I don't want to be around them." His lip curled into a snarl. "Everything was good! Why did she do that?!" His voice breaks and a tear rolls down his face and she breaks. He wraps his arms around his ma and holds her tight. "Please don't leave me ma."

"Oh Henry. She's just a woman looking for her happy ending. I'm sorry." She pulls back and laughs at herself. "Isn't this comfort thing supposed to happen the other way 'round?" He tries to laugh but it's to wet, too forced, too everything she didn't want for her son and she holds his face in her hands. "I promise you kid that this isn't like that. Okay? I'll be back. I just need-" Her breath hitches in her throat. "I just need to think things through and I don't know that I can do that here when Rob-"

"Okay. Okay, I'll stay. Just please come back to me." He wipes at his face and manages a smile for his ma.

"Okay. I love you Henry. So, so much. I'll come home." She hugged him once more before scrambling into the bug. She watched him get smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror, he had stayed to wave at her until she was miles down the road. 

She was on her way to her parents before doing a U-turn (that had someone beeping aggressively and flipping her off, not that she noticed,) and making her way to the station. She parked and made her way in almost breaking down again when she saw her father.

"Daddy." It was the only thing she could get out before falling into his lap.

"Oh baby girl. It's okay, you're gonna be okay." David looked up when he heard the tell-tale sign of his daughter's boots shuffling on the floor, he smiled at her as she rounded the corner before his face dropped and she fell into his embrace.

"Daddy she left me. To find her happy ending." She squeezed his neck as she hiccuped.

"Calm down princess. Calm down and tell me."

Emma gave him a brief rundown of what happened before pulling away and sitting across from him. "There's something else to. BUT, If I tell you, you need to promise you won't tell anyone else. Please dad, promise me."

"Of course baby," He frowned, he'd never seen her this frazzled before. Gently he reached up to pull her hands out of her hair and held them to stop her from pulling on it.

"I'm pregnant," She looked down as she made the barely audible confession. "I'm eight weeks pregnant with Regina's baby and I only just found out today." Emma made a choking noise and her eyes squeezed shut. "She got me pregnant while she was fucking someone else!"

His daughter sobbed and he pulled her into him. "I take it she doesn't know?" He hummed when Emma shook her head.

"I want her to choose us on her own. I don't want her to choose us because she feels obligated to. We won't be the reason she lost her chance at being happy." Emma rubbed at her eyes as she pulled back. "And you can't say anything to her, I'll tell her when I get back." Maybe. Probably. 

"Oh baby girl. Okay, I promise I won't say anything. For now. You know you're going to have to tell her sooner or later though." He lurched forward and held his little girl. "I love you princess, I won't try to stop you from leaving. You do what you have to do." He paused and tried to cough the lump stuck in his throat up. "Now you gotta promise me something." He waited for her nod before continuing. "You just promise me you will take care of both of you." He dropped a hand to rest on her tummy. "You promise that you come home." He dropped a kiss to her forehead as her breathing calmed.

"Okay."

Emma made quick work of packing a bag of clothes, throwing it into the back of the bug. She sat in her car with her hands on the steering wheel and just breathed. She drove to the town line before transporting herself hom- to Regina's, leaving the bug there in case she has to make a fast getaway.

The door swung open and nothing would have prepared Emma for the sight of seeing Robin standing their. As if he had a right to stand where she once did. It made her sick.

Emma swallowed hard and raised her head to the man who apparently was laughing at something Regina had said. Her mouth dropped and she stood there opening and closing it comically for an awkwardly long time before her jaw locked.

"Ah Sheriff, how can I help you?" His eyebrow went up and his lip curled into a smirk.

"Fuck you," The blonde sneered. "I'm here to see Regina, I need to speak to her." She shoved past him and stormed into the house. "Regina!" Emma called and followed the sound of running water to the kitchen.

The brunette had her back to her and even from across the room she could see how tense the older woman was.

"Sheriff Swan. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Regina wiped at her forehead as she turned and bit her lip at the heartbroken look on the blondes face.

"I didn't come back to pick a fight but FUCK Regina! What the hell is this? You couldn't even wait until we left town before you had him in our bed?" She wasn't even angry, she was in agony. "Did this," She flung her hand between them. "Mean that little to you?" Emma took a step back as Regina stepped forward.

"What do you mean you're leaving?" Another step forward. Another step back. "You will not take my son from me!" Regina pushed Emma until her back hit the wall and she had nowhere to go. She snarled and her breath was warm on Emma's face.

"Really?" 'I'm just so tired.' the taller of the two thought. "Really Regina? That's all you took from that? And for your information I would never take Henry away from his home! I was talking abou--" She paused and Regina's brow furrowed. "I was going to tell you today." Blue-green eyes squeezed shut.

"Emma, what? Why are you leaving?" Regina shook her head and stepped back.

"Seriously? You think I'm going to stay here and watch you try to fall in love with another man? How selfish can you be?"

"I still need you here Emma. Henry needs you here." She reached out to hold Emma and grimaced when the younger women flinched and stepped back.

"I can't do this with you Regina." She leaned on the wall and wrapped her arms around herself.   
"I don't want to do this with you, you can't have both--"

"Why did you come here then?"

"Honestly? I don't know. I guess I just wanted to tell you in person that I'm leaving."

"Running you mean."

"Whatever, it doesn't really concern you anymore. Please just be happy." Emma wiped her face before pushing herself off the wall.

"Wait!" Regina stood in front of her, blocking her exit. "What were you going to tell me?" She bit her lip and Emma let the tears leave her eyes.

"Nothing, it'll still be there when I come back so I guess I'll tell you then." She moved around her but stopped when a hand gripped her arm.

"So you're coming back?" Emma didn't have to turn to know Regina's face was the epitome of hope. Emma shrugged and the grip loosened.

"Someday." Was all she said before waving her hands in front of her and disappearing in a cloud of pastel pink.


	3. Cracks Are Showing(Are you okay)

Regina jumped when she felt hands that were too big, to rough, to not Emma, come around to rest on her hips. She cringed when a stubbly chin rest on her shoulder, rubbing against her neck. Pulling her gaze from the tire swing Emma built she tucked her necklace back into her blouse (the brunette had been playing with it. Again) before walking out of Robin's arms. A sigh sounded from behind her but she didn't turn.

"Regina...It's been weeks!" Robin spat. "When are you going to accept that she's gone? She left! You are with me now!" He plonked himself down on the sofa with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. The ex Queen spun and finally looked at him.

"What do you want me to say Robin? Please, tell me what you want to hear and I will say it." Tears were running down her face like it was the first time they have had this talk. They never really stop having this talk. "Please! You want me to say 'I love you'? Is that it? What!," She was hysterical now, cracking, cracking. "She never would have left if it wasn't for you!...Us. What am-I...I-" She cut herself off and took a steadying breath that accomplished nothing if she was being honest. "I don't even know where she is Robin. I don't even know if she's ali- alive." Her face scrunched up and she bent over at the waist hugging her stomach as incoherent mumbles flew from her mouth. 'Oh God! What have I done? Wha-'

Robin sat and watched as Regina crumbled before him, just as he has done almost every night for the past two months. He sighed as he stood, with one last glance at his 'soulmate' , who was now curled into a ball in the middle of the study floor, he went and fixed himself a drink.

_____

Emma left Storybrooke and is now living in a small one bedroom, one bathroom apartment in New Orleans and has a crappy job as a waitress at a diner down the road. (And Emma swears it's like she's seventeen again, pregnant and alone.) Not that Emma needs to work, her savings account has hardly been touched over the last few years, she has more than enough to be comfortable until her baby was at least three. But the barely minimum wage job keeps her mind and body busy for the days when her heart aches to hard. ( which is entirely to much if you asked Emma.)

No one knows where she is and the only people she keeps in touch with are her father and her son. Even then it's once a week and barely a 'hello, yes I'm still alive'. She's just passed the seventeen week mark and she's finally showing some.

The blonde had just got home from her shift of at a diner down the road, she sighed as she slipped the key into the lock, pushing the door open. She picked up the mail and sifted through it as she walked through to the kitchen. Flipping the jug on she got her favourite tea cup, one that Henry gave her for mother's day last year with a picture of him on it(it was the only real thing she had brought with her.), and set it down before kicking her shoes off and setting them under the table. Flinging her coat into the sitting room she rolled her neck and rubbed her swelling belly.

"Hey my little pebble, how was your day? You gonna move around tonight?" Earlier that week her she had felt her little pebble move, she only just managed to stop herself from calling Regina. Even though she smiled at her slightly protruding stomach she felt the guilt roll over her in waves, at least twice a day she dials Regina's number to tell her. And at least twice a day she chickens out. "I hope your day was better than mine." Emma moved back to the kitchen grumbling about drunken old men who can't keep their hands to themselves.

She sat on her second hand couch and sipped her tea lifting her legs to rest on the coffee table. Her head dropped onto the the back of the couch and and she sighed again, before long her mind had drifted back to Storybrooke and the people she left behind. Emma had just started to doze when the ringtone on her phone blared through her conscious.

The ex-sheriff jumped before swearing when her tea sloshed over the cup burning her thighs. She snatched her phone up off the table and growled into it without checking caller I.d.

"What?" Emma barked as she ran, hopped really, up and down as she tried to peel her now wet skinny jeans off, into the bathroom to turn the shower on while she sat on the side of the tub.

"Ma..?" Came the broken reply. She paused and hurried to turn the faucet off.

"Henry? What are you doing up?" She pulled her phone back to check the time. It was after midnight her time and early hours of the morning his.. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"I guess...Have you had enough time to think about what you want?" She could here him biting his lip through the phone and frowned.

"Henry," She sighed and lifted herself out of the tub and stripped out of her wet work clothes. "I don't think so kid, I just need a little longer." Now wrapped in her very fluffy robe she closed the toilet seat lid and sat on it.

"She's not doing so well ma." Emma held back a groan, they had an unspoken rule, never bring up Regina.

"Henry." Her voice dropped into a warning.

"I'm serious ma, ever since she got with that fuc--"

"Henry Mills! You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"How can I? She lives I don't even know where!" Emma took a calming breath before speaking.

"Kid, I get that you're angry and you have every right to be. But you know I'm coming home." She bit her lip and waited. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do." The lack of hesitation made Emma's heart flutter. "I know you're going to come home when you're ready ma. I just miss you." He paused and Emma waited. "She cries, late at night when she thinks I'm sleeping. She sits on the tire swing you made at the back and just cries. If you saw her...she's so skinny and frail now, she has these dark circles under her eyes like constantly. She never smiles or laughs anymore, and if she does it's so forced it pains all of us." He was crying now, Emma could hear him sniffling. "I didn't ring you to try and guilt you into coming back. I just thought you should know we all miss you."

"I know kid, and I'm trying I really am. It's just, she hurt me Hen." Emma was whispering now. "I miss you guys, so, so much. I promise you I am almost ready. I just need another month. Tops."

"Okay." She heard ruffling in the background and then a sigh.

"Okay." Emma stood and made her way to her bed. "I love you Henry."

"I love you too ma...Ma?" Emma pressed her palms into her eyes.

"Hmm?" She hummed as she snuggled into her bed.

"Can you sing to me?" Emma closed her eyes and smiled at the request as memories of the missing year entered her mind.

"Of course my love." Was all Emma said before she softly sang Forever Young by Audra Mae. Not long after she started the song she heard the soft snores of her teenage son. 

She just listened to his steady breathing for a few minutes before saying a soft goodnight and hanging up.

Emma Swan was almost twenty weeks pregnant, she had just finished a 12 hour shift at a crappy diner where men of all ages thought they had some God-given right to grope her. Emma Swan had just had a heavy discussion with her son and she needed to sleep. But a certain brunette that had eyes like gold and a laugh as smooth as honey was at the forefront of her mind.

She sighed and picked up her phone to look at the time, she squinted at the screen, 4:18 am, she groaned and threw her phone at the end of the bed before throwing the blankets off and standing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! It's been awhile since I updated, writers block is the devil! Hopefully this is good enough! Thanks for reading x


	4. Sixty Five Days(or Forever When Your Heartaches)

For 65 days Emma had been gone and her absence was sorely noted, everyone had missed seeing her bright bug roaming the streets, had missed hearing her witty banter with Leroy and Ruby. Everyone missed her, but no one missed her nearly as much as Regina. She had felt physically pained the first week that Emma had left.

Regina has never regretted any of the choices she's made in her life more than she regrets what she had done to Emma. Everything just felt so wrong and empty without the blonde by her side. She told Robin she couldn't be with him. Not in the way he wanted. She knew in her heart and her body that he was not her happy ending, he could never be what Emma was to her. Her True Love. No matter what some pixie dust had told her, no matter how hard she tried (and she tried, tried so hard to love him to at least not flinch when he touched her).

They opted not to tell anyone quite yet. Not even their sons and seeing as Robin had nowhere to go Regina gifted him the guestroom at the mansion.

It was a Wednesday and she finished work early, (it was no use, she couldn't concentrate when the ache in her heart made her want to rip it out). She was just getting in her Mercedes when she turned and saw David through the Sheriff Station windows. Regina bit her lip as she squinted through the blinds before nodding to herself. Putting her work files and briefcase in the car she re-locked it and strode to the station.

Regina marched right in and called out, almost apologizing when David jumped and Snow shrieked. Instead she laughed and laughed (because she's cracking, cracking, cracking). Snow gasped and glanced at David mouthing 'do something!' when Regina's belly laugh had turned to wails, her arms wrapped around herself as she hunched over. Snow stood but before she could hurry over her husband caught her shoulder and shook his head.

"Would you mind getting coffee or something? I can handle this." The prince whispered. "Please." He added when she protested. Snow huffed before nodding and leaving. She reached out to lightly rub the crumbling woman's back as she passed.

David slowly approached Regina. He carefully straightened her up and pulled her into him. The Queen fought, hitting at his chest as screams tore through her person. David only held her tighter, tucking her head under his chin as he cooed and rubbed her back.

"Stop, Regina. It's okay you're safe." It wasn't long before her body went slack against his and her wails turned to weeps. He gently lead her over to a chair and sat her down. When he moved to sit across from her she made a choking noise, her arm shooting out to grab his.

"No, don't leave. I'm sorry." Regina's eyes were bloodshot and puffy as she tried to wipe her face and sweep her hair back.

"Shh, I'm not leaving. I'm right here, you have nothing to be sorry for Regina." Instead of sitting across from her he knelt. Regina nodded but her grip never loosened.

"I made a mistake," She laughed mirthlessly. "Another mistake." Her face crumpled again.

"I know." David answered her honestly because he knew that's what she wanted. What she needed. "You did make a mistake Regina. Because you're human, you did what you thought was best. You didn't go about it the right way, but you had to try right?" Regina squeezed her eyes tight as she heaved. "I understand that Regina. Hell both Snow and I have made plenty mistakes in life as well as in our marriage." Regina's lip pursed and she rolled her eyes. 'Obviously' it said. 

They sat in a not totally awkward silence before Regina spoke. "I miss her. So much David. She loved me so freely, and so willingly and I ruined it!"

"It's not too late y'know, she misses you terribly."

"How is she? Where is she? I know you talk to her, so does Henry. But he never tells me."

"She's..." He trailed off, clearly conflicted about something. "In general? I think she's doing okay. I have no idea where she is. She changes the subject every time we ask. She's coming home Regina. All we can do is be patient." Regina nodded and sighed.

"Thank you David and I really am sorry for this," She lifted a hand and ran it through her hair. "This definitely was not what I had come here for." David rubbed her knee.

"Honestly it's okay. If anything I'm sorry for not seeing how you were," He hesitated. "Regina?"

"Yes David?" Her brow furrowed at the change in his voice.

"Emma is going to hate me for this, like hate me, hate me but IreallythinkyouneedtoknowbutbeforeItellyouyouhavetopromisemeyouwon'thatemetoo." David said it all in one breath because he knew if he didn't he wouldn't get it out at all.

"David? What is this about?"

"Promise me Regina." His tone was firm and Regina still didn't know what was happening.

"Okay. I promise."

"Right, well you see...It's like this-" Before David could finish his sentence and betray his daughter's trust Regina's as well as his attention was drawn to the window facing the road. Someone was screaming and although it didn't necessarily sound pained or terrified they both shot up and raced out into the street.

Regina was behind David and ran into his back when he halted right in front of her. "David! What-" He stepped forward with the impact before spinning around to face her. "What is it?"

The brunette woman stepped around him when he made didn't say anything or move out of her way.

Careful eyes scanned the street and the amount of people gathered there, she saw Red, Granny, the dwarfs and Snow as well as most of Storybrooke before she saw the bright yellow, beautiful deathtrap that she hasn't seen in so, so long.

"Emma." Regina cried under her breath.

_______

Over the top of the bug she could see blonde hair that had grown so much. Without thinking about it she ran across the road, leaving David calling after her.

As Regina got closer she could hear Snow and Red fussing over Emma.

"Oh my God!! Emma I'm your God-Mother! Not to mention your best friend! Why didn't you say anything?" Red's voice was so high Regina's ears hurt.

"I'm your MOTHER Emma. You should have said something! I would have-"

"You would have tracked me down and dragged me home and I would have been miserable mom." Emma's voice was strained and Regina's brow furrowed. She stopped a few feet from the bug, not sure what to do.

"Emma?" Her voice was so quiet she wasn't sure if it would be heard over one of the idiots and her friend. But this was Emma, of course she heard.

The blonde turned and coughed to hide her shock. 'Wow, the kid wasn't lying.' She took a moment, green eyes running over the darkness under Regina's sunken eyes and the way her clothes hung off of her body. Her eyes flew back to Regina's. "Hi." She lifted her hand in an awkward wave. Emma's mouth curled into a sad smile as they both remembered their first meeting. The saviour stepped around the front of the car, her hands unconsciously pulling her black jacket to cover her belly.

"Emma." Regina sobbed her name as she raced forward and threw herself at Emma. Both ladies stumbled before Emma caught her balance and squeezed Regina tight. "Emma. Emma." She was mumbling her name under her breath like she was drowning and it was her lifejacket. "You're here. You came back."

"I'm back. Didn't I say I would be?" Regina's face was in her neck and she dropped her nose into dark hair as she nodded.

"Someday. You said someday." At this point Regina didn't care about appearing weak in front of her town. Her Emma was back.

"That's right. Well, looks like today was that day." Regina choked on her laugh as she squeezed her tighter.

"Oh Emma. Where have you-" The mayor's words caught in her throat when Emma froze. Her face scrunched in confusion when she felt a rolling sensation on her stomach. Regina pulled back, questions swimming in whiskey eyes. "Emma?" The blonde closed her eyes and thought, 'of course the pebble would move right at this moment, it is Regina's kid. Definitely not how I wanted this to go.'

"Surprise?" She ran a hand through her hair as she stepped back, her jacket falling open with the movement. She looked away at the noise Regina made. "Look, can we go somewhere and talk? You know, privately?" She took a quick glance around and saw the residents of her home hanging on every moment.

"You're pregnant?" The Queen's voice was strained, her eyes glued to the little bump. "When? Who's?" She glared up at Emma.

"What?" Emma scratched her head unsure if she had heard right. "Why Madam Mayor, are you implying that I am the one who cheated!?" She threw her hands up and walked in a circle before storming up to Regina. "HOW DARE YOU-" She paused placing a hand on her belly and took a deep breath. "I'm not doing this with you in the middle of the street Regina." Without saying another word she ran around and hopped in the bug, driving off she didn't wait to see if Regina would follow.

As Emma drove away Regina turned on David, eyes narrow and fire blazing. "You knew?!" She threw a hand up to stop Snow's interruption.

"Regina stop, he didn't know. He would have told me." Snow's voice sounded almost bored.

"Quiet Snow. Why wouldn't you tell me David?!" She was in his face now, but he didn't back down.

"I'm sorry Regina but she swore me to secrecy. She told me she would tell you when she came back." David kept his tone calm as he placed his hands on Regina's shoulders. (because to him, seeing Regina this fired up is better than seeing her almost dying these past weeks) "I really am sorry Regina, but I couldn't betray her trust." He blushed as he realized he was going to do just that not even an hour ago. Snow shrieked and smacked David on the arm.

Regina smirked and said tilting her head towards Snow, "You get to deal with that, I'm going to find Emma." David laughed as he pulled his wife towards him, nodding to Regina as she waved her hands in front of her, disappearing in a cloud of purple smoke.

_____

Emma sighed as she shifted the car into neutral in the driveway of the mansion, her hands on the steering wheel she chuckled bitterly as she remembered the last time she was parked here in this exact position to months ago. She glanced up at the house when movement of a curtain caught her attention. She open the car door, stepped and leaned on the bug. 'What am I even doing here?' As soon as she finished her thought the door swung open and her tall, lanky, awkward teenaged son raced toward her. 'That's why.' Her face split into a huge grin.

"Mama!" Her breath was almost knocked out of her from the force of his hug. "You came home!" He squeezed her so tight she almost worried about the baby. Instead she laughed as he lifted her and spun in a circle.

"Henry!" He laughed at her surprised squeak before gently putting her feet back on the ground. "Hey kid, I missed you!" His eyes danced as he pulled out of the hug.

Mother and son relished in their reunion both not noticing the other woman standing not far from them. Arms wrapped around her middle, tears in her eyes but a small smile on her face.

"Woah!" He pointed to her stomach his jaw dropped almost comically. "When did that happen?"

"I-um-It's actually really funny.-You see," Regina saw Emma struggling and chose that moment to step forward.

"Not now Henry. Your mother and I have things to discuss." Regina's face was unreadable and her eyes cold. "Come along Miss Swan." Instead of going in the house like Emma expected, Regina made her way around the back to the tire swing Emma put in the year before.

For a moment Emma wondered how immature she would appear if she ran ahead and called 'shotgun' on the swing. She shrugged her shoulders, 'eh, what do I have to loose?' "Shot gun!" Emma called as she ran around Regina to sit on the swing.

Regina's eyebrow rose and her lips almost formed a smile as she sat at the picnic table Emma built, right under the tree with the swing. The ex-lovers sat in almost silence, the chain creaking with Emma's gentle back and forward motion the only sound.

The older woman cleared her throat before looking at Emma. "First of all, how have you been?" Emma tilted her head to the side.

"I've been.." A pause. "I've been okay, Regina. How have you been? How's life with..-" Over the weeks Emma had come to terms with the fact that Regina left her for Robin. She had accepted that as Regina's choice and respected it. She didn't necessarily like it and the Gods she still loved Regina. "With Robin?" Emma forced her face to smile and if Regina didn't know her she would have thought it genuine.

"Let's not talk about that." Regina paled and looked away. "It seems you've meet someone else?" Pain filled whiskey eyes glanced at Emma's belly before searching Emma's face. "You're glowing Emma." The awe filled whisper clawed at Emma's ears and her cheeks burned. "You look so happy."

Emma rubbed circles on her stomach and smiled. "I am happy Regina, oh and I'm not glowing, it's sweat. Even when I was carrying Henry in the winter I was constantly sweating." Emma's face screwed up and Regina chuckled. It could almost be like before.

"Is the father-..Involved?" It was Regina's turn to blush.

"Yes and no." Emma knew her answer was cryptic but she wanted to know more about Robin and Regina, Regina's happiness before she crushed it. Crushed her. At Regina's confusion she elaborated. "Let's just say, this baby's other parent wanted out before they knew pebble existed." She looked her ex straight in the eye and Regina gasped.

"Pebble?"

"Oh," The blondes smile was shy. "That's just what I call her,-or him."

"So you haven't told the 'other parent'?" If the mayor's head was clear she would have been able to do the math and figure it out. But no, she was still stuck on the idea of Emma with someone else. 'I've lost her."

"Regina," Emma sighed her name and Regina felt whole. "What are we doing? I get that we need to talk and all. But really, where's Robin? Why are we so focused on me?" She stopped the swing to stand and pace. When Regina stayed silent she turned to face her. "Regina? Why aren't you happy?"

The brunette scoffed as she shifted on the bench and crossed her arms over her chest. "Did I say I was unhappy Emma? You haven't changed, always assuming you know me."

Emma rolled her eye's. "You don't have to say anything Regina. I can see it in your eye's(because Regina isn't as subtle as she thinks). And I don't assume to know you, I do know you-Did know you," She corrected herself. "What happened Regina?" Emma looked so broken in that moment and Regina was reminded of the choices she made.

"I don't know what I did wrong Regina," Emma huffed and swiped the tears on her cheeks. "I don't know why I wasn't enough for you! Do you know what killed me these past weeks? That did! The not knowing what I did wrong! I replayed the our last two years over and over again every night, blaming myself for not making you happy! I killed myself trying to-" Emma sobbed and gripped at her stomach, her breathing fast.

"Emma? What's wrong?" Regina shot up, running over to put her arm around her shoulder but the sheriff shook her off.

"It's nothing." Emma tried to calm her breathing, another panic attack could not be good for pebble. "I just need--a moment," She stood up and looked up at the sky. When her breathing returned to normal she looked at Regina. "I'm sorry. Hormones." Emma Swan was not above blaming her hormones.

"Is it morning sickness?" Regina rubbed Emma's shoulder and lead her back to the table as the blonde nodded. "How far along are you?" Regina felt the sudden urge to touch Emma's swollen belly. "May I?"

Emma looked at her before nodding. "Sure, go ahead." She was sitting on the bench facing the outside so she leaned back against the table. "I'm almost 14 weeks." She glanced at the house as she lied. Once again they fell into a not entirely uncomfortable silence.

"Regina?" Emma whispered watched Regina's awe filled face as she rubbed the life growing inside of her belly.. "Are you happy with Robin? And I know I have no right to ask or even be jealo- ." The blonde scratched her ear.

"Honestly? No, I was never happy with him. I realized that he was never going to be it for me the moment he came back." Emma gasped and shifted away from Regina, making the brunettes hand fall.

"Why do this then?"

"I don't know! Emma, I don't know!" Regina's screams gave the blonde a little fright. "I was scared we were getting too comfortable! I felt like one day you might wake up sick and tired of me, get bored and skip town! I don't know Emma please."

"But I thought we were happy?" The hurt and insecurity in Emma's voice made Regina's heart hurt. "I-Were you not happy?"

"Oh Emma, of course I was my love." Regina reached over, pulling Emma into her when the blondes face crumpled. Regina held her as she cried. After the worst had passed Emma pulled back enough to look into sad, brown eyes but still be in Regina's embrace.

"You broke your promise Regina." Her voice was hoarse and she was acutely aware of the now runny mascara smudged across her cheekbones. "Remember your promise? It was July Fourth the year before last and we were sitting on the clock tower roof swapping sad stories and drinking wine," The sheriff couldn't stop the corners of her mouth from curling up at the memory. "It was the first time you said you loved me, I was so happy in that moment with you. What did I ask you?" Emma ran her forefinger down the length of Regina's nose.

"You asked me that if I were ever unhappy or scared or uncertain, to talk to you. You asked me to be honest." Regina frowned as her guilt threatened to suffocate her. Emma stared at her face before smoothing the lines in her forehead.

"What didn't I want?" She pulled Regina's hand up to her lips and whispered into it the palm of it.

"You didn't want me to make promises I couldn't keep." The Queen made an undignified noise as she lowered her head.

"What did you do anyways?" Emma pushed a little harder, she didn't want to hurt her, all she wanted was for her to acknowledge. With her free hand she placed two fingers under Regina's chin and raised her head, effectively forcing Regina to look at her. "Come on my sweet." The younger woman hummed.

Regina swallowed hard before locking her gaze on tear-filled green orbs. "I promised that I wouldn't be like all those others before me. I promised that I would never just 'send you back' or kick you out!" A guttural cry tore through Regina but she would not let herself look away from Emma. "I promised you that I would always be there for you, whether we were together or not." The mayor broke down and tried to curl in on herself as shame coloured her, before she could though Emma gently scooted even closer, pulling a head of dark, soft hair onto her shoulder and rocked.

"You're okay. It's okay."

"I'm so sorry Emma. I love you, I only ever wanted you and now I've fucked it up!" Regina's fingertips dug into Emma's waist almost painfully. But the blonde didn't mind. "Now I've lost you and you're having someone else's baby." Emma didn't say anything, she just sat there running her hands down her heart's back, calming them both.


	5. Remember when we were the lucky ones?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her chest has been tight with anxiety since she left Regina on the picnic table a few nights before. (She hasn’t left her room at the Inn since the day she got into town, it's not a problem yet)
> 
> And is it dread or joyful anticipation? Because her whole life she was never any good at separating the two. But before she can delve into the mystical world of her her hysteria the bell above the door chimes and the brunette is walking towards her and it’s not physically possible for her stomach to fall through her butt right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!! I am so very sorry for the lack of updates! Life is very all over the place at the moment and I haven't had the time but I sat down tonight and made myself just whack something out. Look-it! A new chapter! please let me know what you think, un-beta'd as always, all mistakes are mine. (Also Happy Birthday to the Queen. Lana Maria.)
> 
> Disclaimer- I own nothing. Like no-thing.

A few days later Regina was up with the sun,  _ not that she ever went to sleep _ , I mean how can one sleep when the person one loves is just across town after months of silence. Night terrors of Emma up and leaving her behind,  _ again.   _ But she tries not to think about that while she showers. Tries not to think about anything except the task of cleanliness. 

 

Tries not to think or  _ feel  _ too much about the child Emma is carrying and how that tiny human is being lulled by the sound of Emma’s heart from the inside, and  _ oh god does she miss that beautiful song, _ she doesn’t think of the way Emma’s pretty, pretty face shone as she rubbed her belly. 

 

She’s sitting at the kitchen table now, the birds are singing in the face of a new day. For a quiet moment she wonders if Emma’s baby will have Henry’s nose, the Charming chin and Emma’s eyes. She thinks she hears gut-wrenching sobs and she thinks they might be from herself but she can’t be sure.

  
  


Emma’s heart clenches and leaps at the same time the moment she sees Regina walking past the diner window. (She sat in a booth seat with the clearest view of the window for this exact reason, just in case.) She came down to the diner the second she heard Granny bang her way through the kitchen. Her chest has been tight with anxiety since she left Regina on the picnic table a few nights before.  (She hasn’t left her room at the Inn since the day she got in town, couldn’t leave her room) 

 

And is it dread or joyful anticipation?  _ Because her whole life she was never any good at separating the two.  _ But before she can delve into the mystical world of her her hysteria the bell above the door chimes and the brunette is walking towards her  _ and it’s not physically possible for her stomach to fall through her butt right? _

 

The ex-Sheriff stumbles as she stands hastily and her hand hits the head of the person behind her and she swears and apologizes profusely, she thinks she hears Regina chuckle and  _ oh god has she missed that beautiful song _ .

 

Emma doesn’t know how long she stares at Regina but she’s pretty sure it’s past socially acceptable. She nods for the mayor to sit and waits for her to do so before she slides in as well. It’s quiet, neither say anything and Emma tries to remember a time when things were  _ this  _ awkward between them. She fails too of course, because even in the beginning things were fierce and fiery. Never timid and unsure. 

 

It was one of the things Emma respected about Regina, she always, always knew where she stood with the Queen, even when the Queen herself was blind. Regina clears her throat and Emma frowns a little as she shakes her head to clear it. 

 

“Good-morning Emma.” Regina says and her voice cracks, just a little. 

 

“Ah yeah, morning Regina, how have you been?” Emma is picking at her nails like it’ll help her look Regina in the eye.

 

“Well enough. Yourself?” She tilts her head and the way the light shines on her face makes the blonde gasp. If she didn’t know better she might think Regina was a secret member of Fight-club. Emma could clearly see the darkness under her eyes, the evidence of sleepless nights, even through her high end makeup. 

“Well enough,” Emma quips and both women almost smile.  _ But they don’t because that would be almost too  _ _ normal.  _

 

"And your plans for the day?" Regina asked as she signaled her usual order to Ruby. 

 

"Actually I gotta doctors appointment. I haven't been for a baby check up in a while so Snow booked me one for today." Emma sighed as she thought of her mother. “Pebble is starting to keep me up though.” She says as she rubs her swelling belly.

Regina tenses and curses herself for it. "Oh? Already?" She frowns. She doesn't know a lot about pregnancy but she's pretty sure at fourteen weeks Emma shouldn't be feeling  _that_ uncomfortable.

 

"Yep, the little thing is pressing right on my bladder and by the feel of it plans to for the next twenty two weeks." Emma said with a grimace.

 

"The next twenty two? I thought you were only...four," Regina's eyes widen and she chokes a little on her saliva. "Emma Noelle Swan. How far along are you." She asked as she did the math in her head

 

Emma tenses as she realizes her mistake. 

 

_ Fuck. _


	6. Tulips, Tulips and Understand Me

 

"Emma.." It’s terse and croaky, Regina says her name like she's drowning and maybe she is. Because it's despair and unbelieveable and every feeling Emma felt that day. " _ Emma _ ." She says again, more desperate this time like she knows Emma might be preparing to run. “Why did you lie to me,  _ you let me believe that you were carrying somebody else’s child! _  How dare you lie to me!” Regina’s voice is low and cracking and her eyes are like wildfire. 

 

“Woah!” Emma threw her hands up in an attempt to calm the brunette and for a moment both women seem to forget that they are sitting in Granny’s Diner. “I did, okay? I did let you...but Regina you leapt to the land of your own conclusions faster than I could even park the bug that day. You had made up your mind! You cheated on me Regina!” 

 

_ And fuck that never gets easier to say. _

 

“You already had it in your head the day I came back that  **_I_ ** was the one who slept around.” She’s much quieter now, a whisper of who she was the day she left, like she’s over the fighting and hurting, like she just wants someone to hold her and tell her  _ ‘you did the best you could with what you knew Emma.’  _

  
  
  


Her jaw is clenched so tight her neck is straining. And Emma berates herself for her slip, almost screams at Regina, _“I just needed something that was just mine! Just for a little while I wanted something that was my choice, something I knew how to do, this is the only thing I could understand_ _while I was alone!”_ But she doesn’t because she doesn’t trust that Regina _understands_ the pain Emma has been in for most of her pregnancy. 

 

Instead she calms herself and reaches up to tie her hair in a ponytail. A mechanism she learnt from getting into fights at school or in the group homes. And while she isn’t expecting to physically fight Regina, she can’t help her instincts. When she’s ready she sits up straight and looks Regina in the eye. 

 

“I  _ swear  _ Regina, I swear we will have this conversation. We will sit and talk and you can ask me anything you want to, but for now? For now I can’t. For now I have an appointment I have to get to. For now, I’m the only person pebble has and I intend to be that for her. So  _ please, please _ don’t do this now.” She chokes and prays Regina will let it go, just for a little while longer. Just until she’s ready enough to share their baby with her. 

 

“Wait, a-aa- a girl?” Regina gripped the table so she wouldn’t grab Emma for and Emma laughs and laughs and it’s the most genuine she’s sounded in  _ months _ . And Regina thinks she feels her heart ache  _ so much _ that even if she were to rip it out she’d still feel it. 

 

“Come on Regina I thought you said it was me who, what was it you said? ‘Threw away my education’?” The blonde snorted and Regina blushed hearing her own words quoted from Emma. The Queen opened her mouth but Emma waved her off. “I mean it hasn’t been confirmed but my fifth grade biology class says it’s a girl. Of course my fifth grade biology teacher never had a class on magic baby conception.” Regina rolls her eyes but Emma sees the tortured joy on her face. 

  
  


Regina, so stuck on trying to get her brain to mouth function working again almost missed Emma stand and get ready to leave. “Wait!” She jumped out of the booth and blocked Emma’s path. “Just tell me one thing...please..” She waited for Emma’s nod. “How far alon- Did you- when did you know?” Regina could feel the tears in her eyes but refused to cry again that morning. 

 

Emma took a deep breath and closed her eyes, when she reopened them she too had unshed tears. 

“The day I left Storybrooke I had just found out I was pregnant. I picked up a test at the store on the corner after I left for work, I waited until after we had lunch to take it because I knew if I had taken it before I wouldn’t have been able to contain myself whether it was positive or not. Plus I wanted to know for sure before I said anything.” Emma falters slightly when she see’s recognition register on her love’s face. She took another deep breath. “I did some quick calculations on my own but thought I better go check for sure. I went to the hospital, they did an internal ultrasound and quick bloodwork.” She pauses when Regina’s mouth curves downwards and her right hand comes up over it.

 

“The night I left Storybrooke I was eight weeks pregnant.” 

  
  
  


Emma left Regina standing there in the diner, she couldn’t, wouldn’t stand there and watch Regina crumble once more. Couldn’t be the one to have to put her back together. Not again, not yet. Maybe that’s selfish and a bitch move but she needed to look out for her and her kids. 

 

Snow meet her in the Storybrooke Maternity Ward waiting room, she begged and pleaded with her mother to let her go alone. Told her mother she had plenty of them done alone with Henry, she could handle just fine now. She still wasn’t ready to deal with the storm her mother is. She snorts to herself,  _ Ha! She’s a Snow-Storm.  _  Snow stood to hug her when she saw her walk in. 

 

“Emma.” She gives her a watery smile and Emma thinks  _ please, just one hour where no one is crying.  _ “How was your morning baby?” She rubs Emma’s back and Emma melts.

 

“Mom.” She hiccups and Snow squeezes tighter. “I’m sorry mom, I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I never told you.” Emma whispers and it sounds like the last few months of running from her feelings, her family, have finally caught up with her. 

 

“Oh Emma,” She hushed. “It’s okay. It will all be okay baby.” Before Emma could say anything a nurse walked into the room and called her name. Snow picked up her bag and jacket and followed Emma down the hall. 

 

After the nurse lead them to an empty room and got all the necessary information ready for the doctor she gave Emma a papery gown with an open front, to change into before leaving her and her mother. 

 

“Here Emma.” Snow reached up to let her hair down and held the gown open for Emma to slip into. 

 

“Mom?” She asks quietly. Hesitantly. Snow hums. “How do I fix everything?” Snow almost whimpered and broke down at the shattered look on Emma’s face and the anguish in her voice. “I just want everything to be how we were, when we were happy, but then again,” Snow brushes her knuckles along her daughters cheekbone. “How can I wish to go back to a time where I was happy but Regina wasn’t?” 

 

Their mother-daughter moment was broken when the Doctor knocked on the door before entering. And if she had seen Emma hastily swipe at her face or Snow blow her nose into a tissue she didn’t say a word about it. 

 

“Good morning Sheriff, I am Doctor Daylee, but please call me Willow.” She smiled and Emma nodded. “You and your baby are looking good! You are slightly underweight for how far along you are, but it shouldn’t be a problem we will just monitor it and make sure it doesn’t drop anymore.” Snow frowned and made a mental note. “Now just lay back and we will see how your baby is.” 

 

As soon as Emma lay down she took a few deep breaths to quiet her mind as she focused solely on pebble. She felt her mother grab her hand and was grateful that her mother didn’t listen to her and came along anyway. Her stomach muscles twitched as Willow put the gel on. 

 

“Okay…” Emma watched the doctor press a few buttons on her machine and the second a quick  _ whooshing _ sound filled the room Snow half sobbed, half laughed. “There's the heartbeat! And here is your baby, everything looks fine...how far along are you again?” The Doctor was frowning and Emma tilted her head. 

 

“Seventeen, almost eighteen weeks…” She answered her quietly. “Why?”

 

“It’s nothing to worry about considering how this baby came about,” Snow coughed and Willow looked up at them sheepishly. “Word travels fast?” Emma groaned and Willow apologised. 

 

“What’s wrong with my daughters baby?” Snow questioned, because even though she’d kind of known and her and David had talked about it she was waiting until Emma was ready to tell her herself. 

 

“Right well nothing is really  _ wrong _ , more like the baby is bigger than it should be. It might just be due to the fact that you’re back in town and now have access to your magic, which you didn’t have whilst you were away. So it’s most likely that now that you have your magic it’s, feeding the baby, helping it grow faster.” She froze the frame of the scan and printed a few photo’s before turning it off and handing Emma tissues to wipe away the gel. 

 

“Grow faster?” The sheriff’s voice was strained, panicked. 

 

“I’ll have to show a few scans to Doctor Whale and get a second opinion but don’t stress over it too much Emma, your baby is happy and healthy. Your baby is connected to your magic, and probably the magic of it’s, ah, other parent. Listen to your baby and magic, trust it.” She gave Emma the printouts of the baby and walked to the sink to wash her hands. 

 

“Any questions?”

 

Snow watched Emma’s face as she sat up and rubbed her belly, watching as the stretching skin rippled. “None for today thank you. Maybe after she’s processed everything?” Snow answered for her daughter. 

 

Doctor Daylee smiled and nodded. “Of course. I’ll have my nurse book you in for another appointment around your twenty second week Emma. Here’s my number.” Snow took the offered card from Willow with a thankful nod and the Doctor left the room. By the time Snow turned to face Emma she had already re-dressed. 

 

"Um hey, thanks for coming and uh, being here but I gotta go," Emma ran her fingers through her hair as she shook her shoulders. "I promised lunch with Henry so, uh thanks mom." She kissed Snow on the cheek, running out of the room so fast Snow thought she could almost see burn marks on the carpet. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I am really, really trying to keep updates regular and with the school/course that I'm doing finishing soon they hopefully will! *plus lowkey my birthday on the 26th...who knows I might end up trying to write an update whilst drunk* That'd would be hilarious.


	7. Debris Of The Heart Or Fragrance of Sin

 

After leaving her mother at the clinic she walked mindlessly through the backstreets of Storybrooke, trying to clear her mind enough to be present with Henry when they have lunch.

“Ma!” She heard Henry’s joyful cry (and Holy Mother Earth, Emma cannot believe this breathtaking human is apart of her) and couldn’t help the laughter from erupting at the childish look about him. She held her arms open and squeezed him tight when he ran into them. “Ohhh I missed you!!!” Henry relaxed his hold on his mom before walking her over to the swings on the park. They were silent for a few minutes while Emma set out the food she had brought with her.

“Kid? Can I ask you something?” Emma asked around the bagel in her mouth.

Henry grinned and nodded. “Anything.”

“You know I love you, right? And Regina does as well. Very much.”

Henry’s brow crinkled and he looked at his mother. ( _Because obviously he knows this_ ) “Of course I know that. I love you both too ma. Always.”

“And you know that no matter what happens between your mother and I, it will stay between her and me.”

“I know ma.” They watched the waves dance, and Henry couldn’t help but see the resemblance between sea and his emotions. The unsteadiness of it. He broke the quiet after a time, “So, how are you and mom?”

“Nope. That is not what this is kid. We’re not here to talk about your mom and me. We’re here to talk about us,” Emma leaned into her son and nudged him gently. “So, how are you? What’s been happening with you?"

 

Henry’s eyes twinkled with a lightness that Emma has not seen in what feels like a lifetime. He hesitates before, “I um. I have a girlfriend?” His eyes are focused on the stones below and his voice wavers but Emma can hear the wispy awe and wholeness of first love.

Her stomach twist as she is once again reminded of how much her son has grown in the last few months. Her eyebrows raise on their own accord and she coughs a little but she finds her voice.

Eventually.

“O-oh?” And dammit you will not cry Emma! “What’s her name?” Oh well, you can always blame it on the hormones. She manages to get out whilst trying to slow her heartbeat. Luckily for her Henry doesn’t seem to notice her inner minor heartbreak.  _He's growing up and I missed it._

“Nope. Not telling. Mom doesn’t even know.” Henry laughed at the look on Emma’s face. “She even tried to go all,” Henry threw his head back and flung his wrist out in a poor imitation of his other parent. “‘ _Evil Queenie_ ’ but alas, that has never really worked on me.” He was giggling now and Emma couldn’t help but join in. “I’ll tell you who she is when I think the time is right.”

“Okay, fine.” Emma grumbled and leaned back on her hands. “At least tell me about her.”

 

Mother and son sat on the park, nibbling their way through the huge amount of food Emma had packed, for a few hours before Henry got a text from Regina saying she’ll pick him up from Emma’s in twenty.

As they gathered the waste and Emma packed everything away she noticed Henry glance at her every now and then and heard the quiet hesitations in his breath.

“Ma?” He finally found the courage as the walked away from their perch.

“Hmm?” The blonde stretched her back before becoming distracted by something in her pocket.

“I didn’t know.”

“Know what kid?” Henry looked at his mother and couldn’t help the chortle at the sight of her nose buried in a packet of M&M’s.

“About mom and..y’know. I didn’t know. Because if I had kn- If I-”

“Hey kid stop.” Emma quickly wrapped Henry up in her long arms and rocked him slightly. “Even if you had known? I would never have wanted you to come to me with that. Because I could never be okay with you being in that position, neither your mom or me would ever put you in that position. “

“But-”

“Nope, no buts. Now come on, before you mother has a fit.”

And that’s how Emma’s life went.

She’d have breakfast with her mother and spend the day with her son. He’d go home and she’d go back to bed, pretending she was totally okay. She hasn’t seen or spoken to Regina, since that day. Until one day, Regina had apparently had enough and was now at her door.

“Regina. Hi.” Emma greeted the woman who held her heart as Regina brushed straight by her and into her tiny room (she’s still at the Inn because she loves her parents but nope) and sat herself on the sofa, gazing at Emma expectantly. “Please, do come in.” She said sarcastically as she waddled over and gingerly sat down next to the tiny woman.

“We need to talk.”

Emma nodded. “How are you?” Emma asked after she settled into the sofa.

Regina turned on her side to face Emma and let her head drop onto the back of the couch, just watching the mother of her child. Children. Deep eyes dropping from blonde hair, shiny nose, that chin. To her belly, which was almost as big as Emma herself now.

 

It’s been three weeks since they spoke in the diner. Three weeks since Emma’s appointment. Three weeks and still they hadn’t talked. Or done anything really.

 

“I’m-” Regina snapped her mouth shut and cleared her throat. “I’m getting there Emma.” She allowed herself a small smile as she wrapped her arms around her waist. “And you? How was your appointment?” Regina tried to keep the accusation out of her voice, but the fact was she was a little pissed at having heard next to nothing about the growth and well being of her unborn child.

“I know, I know and ’m sorry. I should have kept in touch and let you know how it went,” Emma mumbled and slid down the couch. I’m such a mess. “I make no excuse,” She flung her hands up and over her eyes before saying, “Just please know it wasn’t intentional.”

“I know that Emma.” Regina said softly. “I know you wouldn’t. I just...Wou- I want to be involved."

“And I want you involved, like I said it wasn’t intentional. I just,” _I have no idea how to be anything anymore._ “I wasn’t sure how to keep you involved without being a bitch about..” She trailed off because she really doesn’t want to deal with that today. Or ever.

“Emma, you know how sorry I am for how much I hurt you. I hate that my actions caused all this for our family. Our son. Our ba-” Her right hand hovered over Emma’s tummy, hesitating. “But I can not, will not, keep apologizing".

“And I don’t need you to Regina, honestly. I don’t want you to keep saying how sorry you are.”

“Then what?! What do you want from me Emma?”

“I want you to be happy.” Emma whispered. “That’s what I’ve always wanted...if I’ve learnt anything from my mini break down/runaway it’s that I am okay with not being the one who gives you that. It hurts a fuckton. But I made my peace with it.”

Regina’s eyes are swimming in little salt pools and Emma is still wondering how this is her life. How they got _here_.

“But..you do make me happy Emma. I love you. So, so much. Please trust me, you made me the happiest I had ever been. Robin was-,” Both ladies gagged a little at the mention of his name.

“Look,” Emma pleaded, she reached for Regina’s fallen hand and placed it on her stretched belly. “This isn’t about me not trusting you Regina, I trust you with my life and with my children.”

Emma shifted so she could look up at Regina slightly.

“But I can’t trust you with my heart. I won’t, not yet.” She wrapped her arm around the brunettes waist to keep her still when she tensed up. “You know it’s always going to be yours Regina, always. But I just need it to be mine for a bit. Just mine. And I don’t think you trust you with my heart either.”

Regina had nothing to say to that because part of her knew it was true.

“I thought," Regina spoke after a short pause. "...maybe we didn’t love each other enough, but I think maybe we might’ve loved each other too much.” She giggles something watery, like that’s not the most heartbreaking truth she’s allowed herself to say out loud.

“And the fragrance of sin becomes you my dear.” They both finish the last line of a poem passed, soft faces and watery smiles. _Taste's like_ something we used to be.

“I better get going. Your son and my house are unattended. Safe to say I am terrified.” She said in a mock whisper. They both have to chuckle at that.

“I have a scan next Wednesday...woul- I mean, you can-” Emma huffed and rolled her eyes at herself. “Come?”

Regina couldn’t stop her head from nodding vigorously. “Yeah, please. Yes.” She stuttered.

“Great,” Emma smiled. “I’ll see you on Wednesday.”

Regina prepared to leave, she stood and straightened her clothes. She picked up her purse and on instinct bent down to place a kiss on the top of Emma’s head and brush her hand against her belly.

Neither said anything. Just accepted it for what it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry. Sorry it's been so long. Sorry it's short. Sorry if it's a bit on the lame side! I have no excuse for my tardiness. Other than the will to write (anything) had abandoned me. Thank you for reading, and I hope you stick with me while I re-learn how to do the thing. Like riding a bike, right?
> 
> Let me know what you think! (Even if you hate it and think I should stop lol) xx


	8. Swimming in fairy dust and inability

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I really don't even know if this chapter is worth putting up and I may do some reediting later on. But for now, a chapter.   
> As always, un-beta'd, all mistakes are my own. And I own nothing!
> 
> Please let me know what you think! I love your comments so much!   
> Thank you for reading x

“Henry! Come on, we’ve got to get going!” Regina stood nervously at the front door, her foot tapping and her shoulders tense. 

 

“Mom relax. It’ll be fine.” Regina looked at her son and nodded tensely. 

 

“I know,” She took a breath and centered herself. “Now scoot. I will see you this afternoon.” She kissed his cheek and walked with him to the corner where he met up with his friends. 

 

She turned the opposite direction and made her way to the diner. This was it. The day she would get to see her baby. Saying she was terrified was an understatement.

 

The bell above the the door dinged as she strode into Grannies, she caught Ruby’s eye and the girl smiled and set about making Regina’s coffee. The Mayor sat at a booth where she could see a certain blonde enter. She looked at her watch and groaned, she was at least an hour early. ( _ And knowing Emma, she wouldn’t be down until the last second _ .)

 

“Good morning Regina.” Ruby smiled brightly as she set the black coffee down. 

 

“Ruby.” Regina nodded in greeting. Ruby opened her mouth but before she could speak she was being hailed from behind. 

 

As she was left alone Regina thought back on the last year. She couldn’t believe she had ruined the one good thing she had going in her life all because she listened to a man who smelled like wet dirt and lived in the forest. She knew she was never his first choice, would never  _ be  _ his first choice, she knew he wanted to much from her, wanted her to be everything she wasn’t. 

 

And she listened to him. Let him tell her that Emma would tire of her, would leave and take Henry with her. (Regina honestly, in what world does  _ The Saviour  _  fall in love with  _ The Evil Queen _ )

 

But she couldn’t put all the blame on  _ him,  _ sure he had planted the first seeds of doubt about Emma’s love but she watered it. She let the weed grow wild. 

 

That guilt (that has been sitting under her rib cage since Robin walked into her office and she didn’t set him on fire on site) flares up again and she thinks she can almost smell it. She barely makes it to the bathroom at the back of the diner before she’s heaving. All she brings up is black coffee and she can’t help but scowl at the irony. 

 

***

 

Emma groaned and slapped at the bedside table in the hopes of demolishing the stupid alarm. She lay in bed staring at the ceiling. She was nervous,  _ (shit-scared would be more accurate) _ she had sunk into a mini depression the night before and the second she started to descend every single insecurity she’s ever had came running for her. 

 

She tried to ignore all the tiny voices in her head, tried to reach out with her magic just to feel the steady pulse of the baby sitting under her heart. (but that didn’t last because the baby had the same rhythm as Regina’s) She lay in the same position all night, curled up on her right side, she couldn’t even be bothered to get under the covers. 

 

She sat up and tried to stretch out the stiffness in her back and neck and glanced at the clock, she had managed to sleep a little over an hour. She blew a breath out and decided a morning coffee was sorely needed. (the fact that both her and Regina would be seeing Pebble today pushed her depression away enough for her to think)

 

Emma ran a hand through her hair and pinched her cheeks for a little colour, she looked around for clean clothes and realised she didn’t have much to choose from, she sighed when she found a maroon coloured dress and some black tights. ( _ she’d take her clothes to her mom later) _

 

Figuring that was as put together as she’d get in this state, she grabbed her phone and jacket and made her way to the diner.

  
Regina had made it back to the booth just in time, as not even five minutes after she sat down did Emma walk through the door. She stood hastily and gasped at the dejection on Emma’s face and for a moment she feared that Emma would change her mind and tell her she wasn’t welcome at the scan. 

 

But instead Emma smiled softly and dipped her head. Ruby had already had Emma’s coffee ready for when her and pushed it in her hand the moment she walked in. Emma laughed and tugged on Ruby’s curls.

"Hi." She said as she slid into the booth Regina was in.   
  
"Hi." Regina whispered.   
  


***

 

Emma couldn’t keep her knee still and she could tell it was frustrating the shit out of Regina. She smirked a little until Regina gave her a pointed look and her hand was on the blonde’s thigh. Emma faltered, just a tad, but enough for her to flush and Regina to smirk. 

 

They had been sitting in the doctor’s waiting room for twenty minutes now and Emma just wanted to get in there and see their baby. She couldn’t wait for Regina to see their baby.

 

She glanced at regina and found the woman staring at her intently. But what ever she was about to say had to wait. A nurse walked in and called emma’s name. She smiled widely and grabbed Regina’s hand. 

 

The Mayor stood back while Emma was weighed, and had her blood pressure checked, her eye’s wide. She followed Emma closely as she made her way to another room. She watched Emma climb up onto the table and start to flick at the stirrups. 

 

A comfortable silence settled over them while they waited for the doctor. “Thank you again for allowing me to come Emma.” Regina said breaking it.

 

“Please stop saying that,” Emma scrunched her face up. “You should have been here all along and I’m sorry for getting in the way of that.” She held out her hand, needing to show Regina she really was sorry. The brunette stumble forward and gripped Emma’s hand in both of hers. They stayed like that until Willow waltzed in. 

 

“Good morning Emma!” If Willow was surprised to see Regina standing next her she didn’t show it.

 

“Morning.” Emma smiled and accepted a hug from the happy lady. Neither missed the look they received from Regina. 

 

“Ms Mills.” Willow nodded in her direction and Regina done the same. “Now, I’ve looked at the nurse’s chart and I am elated to see you have managed to pick your weight up, you really had me worried with that. Your blood pressure is okay, it could be a little higher but I think that will correct itself.” She helped Emma shuffle up the bed and turned to start up the ultrasound. 

 

“Let's get to the fun part yes?” She winked at Emma as she lifted her dress over her bump and the ex-sheriff grinned. “Now you know the drill, this will be cold.” She squirts the gel onto Emma’s tummy and everybody watched Pebble move under her skin. 

 

Emma looked at Regina and realised this was the first time she had seen her bump. She nudged the older woman and wrapped her pinky around hers. Regina fought  back tears and the want to  _ touch _ . 

 

“Ready Emma?” Willow asked as she looked at the screen. 

 

Emma hummed and managed to tear her gaze away from Regina. 

 

“Here is your baby.” She spun the screen and tapped a few more buttons before Pebble’s heartbeat flooded the room. “Good, strong, steady heartbeat. She’s doing good Emma.” 

 

Regina didn’t even fight the sob from escaping her throat. She leaned over Emma, trying to memorize everything about this moment. Her hand came up on it’s own accord and she watched as her fingers roamed over the little flutter.  _ This is her child.  _

 

Emma squeezed her hand, happy to just watch Regina’s reaction. 

 

 

 

***

 

Regina groaned as her phone lit up and the vibration of it rang against her side draw, she squinted at her clock before swinging her arm around to grab the annoying object.

 

“Mm?” She hummed barely recognizing Emma’s name flash on the screen. “It’s three in the morning.” as she finished her sentence she shot up out of bed. “Is something wrong with pebble?” She’d taken to calling her and Emma’s baby (her heart speeds up at the thought because  _ she put a baby inside of Emma with Magic)  _ Pebble after the first scan she went to. 

 

“Hey, slow down, nothing is wrong.” Emma laughs softly as she rubbed her belly. She was now almost to her third trimester, and boy did she look like it. “You know how you’re always going on about ‘being involved’ and ‘wanting to be there for everything’?” 

 

Things had been easier and so much better since the first scan Regina had gone to. They had found their groove again and although it was different to what they had, both women were excited with where they were heading.

 

“What does  _ pebble _ want now?” Regina was already getting changed and despite the early morning wake up call she had a smiled at Emma’s chuckle.  _ And oh she’s missed this easiness.  _

 

“Bubba would like some chunky caramel ice-cream, lasagna, a lime milkshake, pickles and peanut butter and some-a that laundry powder you use. Please?” Regina’s eyes widened as Emma’s list kept going. She laughed at herself and thought she should be used to this by now. 

 

“The apple and lavender one? Why the laundry powder?” She wrote a note for Henry just incase, grabbed a box of the ever present and cherished box of laundry powder and locked the house behind her as she left.

 

“Yes that one and because the baby wants to smell it. I don’t know why, but hey, at least it’s not boot polish and hairspray cravings like i had with Henry.”

 

Regina’s eyebrows shot up. “Pregnancy is weird.”

 

“Preaching to the choir.” 

  
_

 

Regina stopped in at the only all night shop in town for the ice-cream,  _ (she picked up some fruit salad as well because, Emma.) _ before finally getting to the BnB. She’s tried to talk Emma into moving in with her or even with her parents but the blonde wouldn’t have it. 

 

She jogged up the stairs and quickly made it to Emma’s number. She knocked even though she had a key. “Emma?” she called as she opened the door. When she didn’t see nor hear the blonde she shut the door and walked further into the room and placed the bags on the table. 

 

“Hello? Where are you?” she heard a groan and followed it towards the bathroom. “Emma?” the door slowly opened and it took every single thing Regina had in her to keep her face straight and concerned.

 

“ **Don’t. You. Dare.** ” Regina held her hands up in surrender, her face perfectly still but the glint in her eyes told Emma otherwise. “ _ Reginnaaaa _ ” Emma whined. “ _ Help me! _ ” 

 

Regina’s shoulders trembled in silent laughter as she stepped forward. Emma was crouched on the floor in front of the toilet, _ (as though she had tried to stand and couldn’t quite make it) _ her pyjama pants down around her ankles,( _ because honestly, why does she even wear pants  when she’s the size of a whale) _ frazzled curls going every which way. She looked at Regina now that they were both on the bathroom floor. 

 

“Hi.” Emma’s breath making Regina’s hair shift a little as she whispered.

 

“Hi.” Regina whispered back.

 

“I got stuck.” Emma smiled softly and Regina nodded and snickered. 

 

“I can see that.” She ducked when Emma’s left arm pushed her in jest. “Come on then, up we get.” 

 

Emma groaned as Regina helped lift her from the underarms and she couldn’t help but blush when Regina bent to pull her pants up. She huffed and said, “I want this baby outta me now Regina.” She lowered her forehead on the Queen’s shoulder.

 

“I know,” Regina smiled and rubbed her back. 

 

“Look at me,” The blonde lifted her arms and waved them in front of herself. “I’m huge! I don’t fit anything and I can’t even get up off the toilet.” Emma’s voice broke and her eye’s welled. 

 

“You’re pregnant. And beautiful.” Regina tugged slightly at Emma’s ‘outie’ belly button and smiled widely when Pebble shifted and Emma’s taut skin rippled. “It’s okay if your tank top only covers the top part of your belly. Or that you can’t see your ankles, or that you can’t even get up off the toilet. Because you are growing a tiny human,  _ OUR _ tiny human. And you gotta grow her as best you can so she can be big and strong like her mama.” Regina tugged the black tank top down Emma’s back, which meant her arms were wrapped around Emma’s waist. 

 

“And besides,” She continues as when she straightens. “I’ll always be here to help you of the loo.”

 

Emma dissolves into laughter and hugs Regina like she’s waited three lifetimes to do so. “I lo-,” Emma cut herself off. “I appreciate you so, so much Regina. Thank you for being here.” 

 

Regina, who caught the slip just nodded and smiled softly. “Thank you for letting me. Now, come. I came with supplies.” 

  
Emma grinned and followed Regina out.

 


End file.
